So I made a rather disturbing discovery last night. And by disturbing, I mean that I may just pack up the cats (and I suppose my husband as well, although when you hear how he handled this discovery you may agree that he can stay here while I take my hiatus from our infested abode) and move!
What you may ask, has caused me to want to abandon ship and relocate? As I was walking from our mailbox towards our front porch area I happened to catch sight of something kind of shiny at the corner of our house…shiny…and scaly! At this point I begin to hyperventilate (no joke!) and immediately punch the code to open the garage door since there is no way I am now walking past whatever is shiny and scaly on our front porch to reenter the house via the front door. The garage door cannot close fast enough and it is then that I realize that the door from the garage to the house is locked. I began having visions of snakes crawling all over me and proceeded to pound (yes, pound…and scream for Patrick) on the door until he comes flying to the door from upstairs wondering what in the world has caused me to absolutely lose my mind (again!)
I yelled something incoherent about there being snakes on me and it takes a second for him to realize that I may have spotted my office visitor again. I’m putting a picture of our house below so that you can envision what I’m describing now. From the safety of the confines of our house, I open the front door and peered out through our glass storm door (without which, there is no way in this world I would have been examining the front porch area!) and what I saw wasn’t quite as scary as the actual snake but may be even more disturbing. It was actually the skin of a snake (I guess they shed those in whole pieces…ewww!) but here’s the worst part – the tail was coming from behind the bushes (which are in front of my office since it is the front corner of our house and beside the front porch area) and the body continued around the corner and went up into the siding of our house.
Yes, you read that correctly – evidently (whether at that moment or at some point earlier in the day) a snake was crawling from the bushes in front of my office, where I am sitting all day, into the siding of my house, which is by the way the exterior wall of my office – where I sit alone all day!!!!!! I guess he decided to shed his skin on this little adventure and when I was walking back up the driveway I noticed the shine of the skin. Now don’t ask me if it was there when I walked out the front door a few minutes prior or if it happened while I was at the mailbox, but in either event my skin is still crawling.
At this point Patrick and I were not sure if the snake was still in the siding or if he looped around and came back out at some point earlier in the day. Here is where my husband turned this whole adventure into a complete comedy routine. He goes into our garage and gets a golf club and then bravely walks onto the front porch. (I am watching from behind the safety of our glass storm door yelling at him to be careful and to please come back inside.) I should also mention that he did not take the time to put on real shoes so he has on socks and grabbed his flip flops that were in our foyer. I just want you to be able to fully envision this scenario!
Patrick proceeds to hit the snake skin with his golf club several times and lifts up the tail portion from behind the bushes and flings it onto the front porch area. At this point about a foot and a half to two feet of snake skin is visible. Holy grossness! He tried to press on the skin with the club to get it to come out of the siding, but decided that he needed a second golf club to help. (Kind of like salad tongs?!) So at this point, if anybody walks past our house they can see me, hysterical, in the foyer of our house, and Patrick, wearing socks and flip flops, wielding two golf clubs wacking the siding of our house to see if he can dislodge the snake skin. I seriously don’t know if the snake was still up there, so he is very lucky it did not come shooting out to bite him.
Eventually the skin snapped in half and so Patrick lifted the two foot long piece of snake skin onto his golf clubs and walked it around to the side of our house to dispose of in the trash can. He then knelt down to look up the part of the siding that the snake skin was originally in and said he could see more skin but didn’t want to put his hand up there to pull on it in case the snake was still there. Finally he decided this may not be the safest of endeavors and came back inside. (I had at this point convinced myself that the skin was still attached to the snake which was why it was not pulling out of the siding easily, and I did not want to have to drive Patrick to the hospital if this thing managed to reappear and bit him!)
At this point I do not know if a 4 foot snake is living in the siding of my front porch. I don’t know if somehow that connects to the interior walls of my home and if eventually the snake could slither into the air ducts and appear behind the air vent in my home…can you see how this is making me crazy?! In any event, there is evidently not much out there that can kill snakes that does not attract them in the first place. I’m not sure if it’s worth putting out snake poison that will cause them to want to come and visit me (although I’m pretty certain that my office visitor did not sail off into the sunset that first day we met since the piece of skin we did find was just the right size for him.) Patrick is now referring to him as Axle (hence he can stay here while I temporarily move!) What a night!!!!!
What you may ask, has caused me to want to abandon ship and relocate? As I was walking from our mailbox towards our front porch area I happened to catch sight of something kind of shiny at the corner of our house…shiny…and scaly! At this point I begin to hyperventilate (no joke!) and immediately punch the code to open the garage door since there is no way I am now walking past whatever is shiny and scaly on our front porch to reenter the house via the front door. The garage door cannot close fast enough and it is then that I realize that the door from the garage to the house is locked. I began having visions of snakes crawling all over me and proceeded to pound (yes, pound…and scream for Patrick) on the door until he comes flying to the door from upstairs wondering what in the world has caused me to absolutely lose my mind (again!)
I yelled something incoherent about there being snakes on me and it takes a second for him to realize that I may have spotted my office visitor again. I’m putting a picture of our house below so that you can envision what I’m describing now. From the safety of the confines of our house, I open the front door and peered out through our glass storm door (without which, there is no way in this world I would have been examining the front porch area!) and what I saw wasn’t quite as scary as the actual snake but may be even more disturbing. It was actually the skin of a snake (I guess they shed those in whole pieces…ewww!) but here’s the worst part – the tail was coming from behind the bushes (which are in front of my office since it is the front corner of our house and beside the front porch area) and the body continued around the corner and went up into the siding of our house.
Yes, you read that correctly – evidently (whether at that moment or at some point earlier in the day) a snake was crawling from the bushes in front of my office, where I am sitting all day, into the siding of my house, which is by the way the exterior wall of my office – where I sit alone all day!!!!!! I guess he decided to shed his skin on this little adventure and when I was walking back up the driveway I noticed the shine of the skin. Now don’t ask me if it was there when I walked out the front door a few minutes prior or if it happened while I was at the mailbox, but in either event my skin is still crawling.
At this point Patrick and I were not sure if the snake was still in the siding or if he looped around and came back out at some point earlier in the day. Here is where my husband turned this whole adventure into a complete comedy routine. He goes into our garage and gets a golf club and then bravely walks onto the front porch. (I am watching from behind the safety of our glass storm door yelling at him to be careful and to please come back inside.) I should also mention that he did not take the time to put on real shoes so he has on socks and grabbed his flip flops that were in our foyer. I just want you to be able to fully envision this scenario!
Patrick proceeds to hit the snake skin with his golf club several times and lifts up the tail portion from behind the bushes and flings it onto the front porch area. At this point about a foot and a half to two feet of snake skin is visible. Holy grossness! He tried to press on the skin with the club to get it to come out of the siding, but decided that he needed a second golf club to help. (Kind of like salad tongs?!) So at this point, if anybody walks past our house they can see me, hysterical, in the foyer of our house, and Patrick, wearing socks and flip flops, wielding two golf clubs wacking the siding of our house to see if he can dislodge the snake skin. I seriously don’t know if the snake was still up there, so he is very lucky it did not come shooting out to bite him.
Eventually the skin snapped in half and so Patrick lifted the two foot long piece of snake skin onto his golf clubs and walked it around to the side of our house to dispose of in the trash can. He then knelt down to look up the part of the siding that the snake skin was originally in and said he could see more skin but didn’t want to put his hand up there to pull on it in case the snake was still there. Finally he decided this may not be the safest of endeavors and came back inside. (I had at this point convinced myself that the skin was still attached to the snake which was why it was not pulling out of the siding easily, and I did not want to have to drive Patrick to the hospital if this thing managed to reappear and bit him!)
At this point I do not know if a 4 foot snake is living in the siding of my front porch. I don’t know if somehow that connects to the interior walls of my home and if eventually the snake could slither into the air ducts and appear behind the air vent in my home…can you see how this is making me crazy?! In any event, there is evidently not much out there that can kill snakes that does not attract them in the first place. I’m not sure if it’s worth putting out snake poison that will cause them to want to come and visit me (although I’m pretty certain that my office visitor did not sail off into the sunset that first day we met since the piece of skin we did find was just the right size for him.) Patrick is now referring to him as Axle (hence he can stay here while I temporarily move!) What a night!!!!!
3 comments:
OH MY GOSH, that is hilarios and gave me the heebee geebees all at the same time!!! The visual you gave my mind while describing the entire Patrick scenario had me rolling in my chair and laughing so hard I was tearing up! :) You can tell Patrick thank you for the laugh, but naming the evil legless monster went a bit overboard.
Really though, have you called an exterminator or anything?????
PS---not to give you anything else to worry about, but you know of the urban legend that snakes can crawl up water pipes and get into your toilet???? Gross.....look before you sit! My skin is crawling!!
PPS--I totally didn't mean to make a joke about skin...crawling....it just happened. :)
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